Groomsmen Game Day

Cute barrel-chested vikings

Fri, 14 Jan 2011 02:35:49 -0500

I had to respond to your post.

Me:

Former RPG game designer at Wizards of the Coast. Current freelance writer/editor/whatever. Translation: I can ensure there be dragons.
Not carved from granite, but I have been described as cute and barrel-chested Viking.
Also, “The most intimidating vegetarian one is likely to meet.” (I’m an opportunistic carnivore, too, meaning I eat meat occasionally.)
Also, “The biggest, hairiest four-year-old I know.”
I was a jock, but I am a nerd. I have only a yellow belt in Tae Kwon Do, so Vin will kick my ass after I give him poor advice.
I know some orc strippers. It’ll be hard to convince them to listen to Kanye West at any price.
I drink precisely the amount I mean to, just like Gandalf.
It’ll take me like a day to pull my shit together.
I fail Diplomacy checks with my honesty.

Good Advice

Fri, 14 Jan 2011 02:30:30 -0500

Dear LFG: Sorry that I can’t be one of your groomsmen, as I’m a very happily married gamer chick. Still, after seeing your ad, I gotta say I wish you the best of luck, and if your soon-to-be lady wife is a gamer chick like me, I see a lot of amusement, good memories, and laughs over “I can’t believe you did that” in your future. A sense of humour is essential in a good marriage. Remember:

PvP is no substitute for a good fight every now and again.
It’s not about how fast you level, but how you develop your characters along the way.
You’re level pacted now - you may occasionally PUG, but that’s as far as it goes.
Don’t worry about stats - roleplay with sincerity and you can get by. Lying about dice rolls though means all bets are off.
Only in-game is “what’s yours is yours, what’s hers is hers”.
It’s not love til you co-mingle the gaming books… and it’s for keeps if you combine your dice.
Keeping the base organized does not exempt you from keeping your house neat and hygenic.
Rare salvage is always a nice gift, but no substitute for flowers, a hug, and an honest “I love you.” (Unless it’s a purple recipe that she’d kill for.)
Always remember there is a difference between you and your character… and her and HER character.

Here’s hoping you guys hit 50. :)

Meeting and surpassing quotas

Fri, 14 Jan 2011 02:29:05 -0500

Dude,

You just raised the geek/nerdiness quotient of the already geeky/nerdy
Craiglist by at least a whole percentage point.

Kudos to you and good luck on your wedding.

Ha! Thank you much sir!
I hope craigslist sends me an award for such a feat, and i hope its printed in ASCII characters.

Nice assets

Fri, 14 Jan 2011 02:27:00 -0500

First off, I live in Chicago. I’m sure that immediately rules me out.
I just wanted to say how your post was awesome and hilarious. Well,
I’m going to ‘apply’ anyways.

I know I’d be an amazing groomsman because…
-I have d20’s tattooed on my chest
-I have the Cobra (of GIJoe villainy) symbol tattooed on my left ass cheek
-I currently GM a cyberpunk game, D&D game, steampunk game, and World
of Darkness game
-I drew this: [Ed. Note: Image below. I was given permission to post the link to his other handiwork here: http://www.mosingo.com/]
-I’ve broken my thumbs, middle fingers, and nose
-I used to be a bouncer / bartender
-My full first name is Jameson, which happens to be my favorite
whiskey (but not in a vain ‘i’m drinking myself’ way)
-I make an excellent wing man

That does it. As I mentioned, I’m sure living in Chicago takes me out
of the running. Funny thing is, I’ve been wanting to move to Seattle
for years. I completely fell in love with that city when I went to PAX
back in the day. Take care, best of luck finding your groomsmen.

I’m going to pretend that you broke your thumbs, middle fingers and nose while tattooing your own ass with the Cobra tattoo because that shit would be hardcore awesome.

The thumbs / middle finger story is not one that can be described via
email. I need puppets, someone dressed as a jedi, and a frostmourne
replica to tell it accurately.

No, no. My hat off to you sir

Fri, 14 Jan 2011 01:52:56 -0500

First of all, let me say congratulations! You have performed the mighty feat of snatching up one of the all-to-rare nerd chicks, and I take my hat off to you. Being another one similarly blessed, I can assure you that the life awaiting you on the other side of the altar is AWESOME.

In any case, I read your posting and I must say that I am impressed! I think that your plans sound amazing, and I want to know more. I must confess that my D&D gaming has been a bit less frequent since moving away from my old group, but I’m all for the chance to dust off my leather-bound PHB and break out the Yahtzee cup.

I’m a facilities manager, which is a prestige class for maintenance men. I spend many hours playing RPGs and co-op video games with my wife, and we love gaming whenever we get the chance. I’ve both run and played in all kinds of crazy systems, but primarily D&D, Shadowrun, various World of Darkness travesties, Heroes, and a tad bit of GURPS and Big Eyes. My favorite anime is Ruroni Kenshin, closely followed by Trigun. I always crafted my own boffer weapons while I was still boffering, but I never larped. We just ran around in the park and whacked each other with big foam bats. For that matter, my wife and I craft our own awesome perfumes and lotions, many of which are nerd themed. Check it out: www.firelightfusions.etsy.com.

I'd like to remain a lady...

Fri, 14 Jan 2011 01:45:00 -0500

[Ed. Note: Names redacted and replaced with celebrity names for privacy]

Here’s what some of my friends have said while encouraging me to apply:

Rihanna: ”Captain Picard cleans up well. He recognizes stupid ideas and I believe he can slap them out of a stressed groom”

Paris: ”Captain Picard is a man of distinction and integrity. His nerdiness scares me, his vocabulary is stunning and he can be quite hilarious. His warm smile comforts me, his steely glare strikes fear in my heart and his honey toned voice … well, I’d like to remain a lady, so let’s just say I like it a lot.”

Madonna: “Captain Picard would be a great groomsman. He is sensible, trustworthy, and rolls 20’s when you need them most. His golden beard will reflect a flattering light in your direction, ensuring you look your best on your special day. He can put away the beer and scotch alike, and still be up in the morning to help you iron your tux. I highly endorse Patrick for this esteemed position”

I’m not sure what I can add except I am somewhat proficient with a rapier and I own a chainmaille dice bag (or rather, I will when my girlfriend finishes making it!)

I am located in Vancouver which may present some challenges but D&D is mostly portable.

You have some special ladies in your life who seem to think very highly of you. If they are available, you should probably marry them - pending that one of them already isn’t your girlfriend.
Vancouver is just a hop skip and jump and D&D is indeed portable. Since I got so many awesome responses, i’m trying to pull together a game day of sorts at a local gaming store so everyone can meet and high five each other for awesome responses. I’ll keep you posted.

Another heartwarming thanks

Fri, 14 Jan 2011 01:41:47 -0500

As female, I don’t qualify.

However, as gamer… I want to wish you the very best of luck.

And as human, I’d like to wish you and your lady a long, happy life full of amazing adventures together.

Why is the rum gone?

Fri, 14 Jan 2011 01:41:05 -0500

I Have the Module with the Drunk as Shit Vikings, Gyrating orc Strippers and Even a Goblin Nympho Thrown In, I may Have to add a Dragon Or twelve, But that should be No Problem. Now All I gotta do is get to seattle for the Wedding Event of the Century! Complete with D20 rolls of Death!

“But why is the Rum Gone?”

Damn sexy and ultra nerdy

Fri, 14 Jan 2011 01:40:25 -0500

Fucking hilarious! On that note, I have 2 fine young men ready and willing to
do the job! My fiance and brother. Perhaps not chiseled out of stone, but damn
sexy and ultra nerdy!!!!

[Ed. Note: Names redacted for privacy but I was informed the pronunciation is just like the name of a candy bar]

Hello Like the Candy Bar,
Excellent! Damn sexy and ultra nerdy do seem to the right caliber we’re looking for. I’m currently in the process of partnering with a local gaming store to host tryouts because I got sizable amount of applicants. And by tryouts, I mean an excuse to meet up with everyone, high five each other for being awesome nerds and then going to the bar across the street.
Thanks for the kind words!

Newcastle

Fri, 14 Jan 2011 01:37:51 -0500

I’m not applying for the job, but I just had to tell you this is just
awesome! I’m engaged and I told my best man that this is the
bachelor’s party I want. Swank suite optional, and please sub
Newcastle for Old English (yes, I know, Newcastle doesn’t come on
40’s, but I much prefer it *chuckle*). And I told my fiancee, who
forwarded the ThinkGeek link to me, “I have cufflinks. I have d20’s. I
can get superglue…”

On behalf of D&D playing geeks everywhere, thank you!

1st edition, bitch!

Fri, 14 Jan 2011 01:36:40 -0500

This is hilarious and awesome

I am willing to either be one of your groomsmen, or to DM your groomsmen to their horrible deaths in the Tomb of Horrors (yes, I have a 1st edition copy of the original module, bitch).

Let me know what the dates are.

awww, thanks!

Fri, 14 Jan 2011 01:30:53 -0500

Freaking brilliant ad!! Congratulations on the upcoming wedding and good luck with your groomsmen search.

This GroomsMANIMAL could break me in half

Fri, 14 Jan 2011 01:30:21 -0500

Dear Sir,

This letter is in reply to your recent request for a suitable groomsman in the fall for your upcoming wedding. I would like to throw my proverbial hat (I don’t really wear hats, but it seemed like the right thing to type) into the ring. I have been a Best Man more than two times; less than four; and come with high recommendations (Available upon request). I’ve also been a Groomsman once, which adds a feather into the cap I’m not wearing. Now for the credentials…

Manliness - Have you ever watched the Old Spice man and think, “Wow, I want that guy to be in my wedding party”? Well, you shouldn’t, because he’s wearing a towel and that’s pretty ridiculous. I would wear pants to your wedding, and more importantly, make sure that you are also wearing pants. I’m not talking about short shorts, hot pants, or Never Nudes, but honest to god tux pants (with a strip on the side that you can hardly notice cause if not then they’re not tux pants they’re just everyday work pants!!). However, not only will you benefit from my pants wearing expertise, but I will also deliver one hell of a Best Mans speech too! Here’s what you can expect:

1) Soberness - I won’t start drinking until AFTER the speech is done
2) Shortness - I won’t bore the crowd with a 15 minute speech about that thing that we did together when we were younger
3) Tact - I’ll also make sure that the thing I remember you doing doesn’t involve your mouth and/or that male prostitute

I can also lift heavy shit over my head (see attached picture) in case you’re Jewish and need to be lifted into the air.

Nerdiness - You want D&D? I ask which edition? You want a swanky ass hotel? I ask for a credit card. If this are your only two stipulations, then awesome! I don’t like to tell the groom what he’s getting for a bachelor party, cause it’s more fun when it’s a surprise. I’ll make sure to follow the guidelines (I personally don’t like strip clubs) and make sure that you do get a surprise out of the deal. Oh, good choice on the OE (I’ll tell you my OE story one time if you want me to). Not only do you not have to worry about rolling up a character for your game, but I’ll include a specialized memorabilia mini for you to play with that night which, if according to plan, will be one of the few things you remember from the night ( Due to alcohol, not ruffies)

Did I mention that I wear cuff links like a champ? Cause I do.

I know how to clean myself up and look good all while making you still hold onto the Man in Charge persona. This is your day and I’ll be Q to your James Bond. So, I’ll make sure that everything is done day of. I’ll pay off the priest/rabbi/non-secular union specialist/mobster(?), the driver, the guy that takes a ton of photos while people are jumping in the air for some odd reason….EVERYONE (As long as you give me the money ahead of time). The only thing you’ll have to remember to do is say “I do” and how to unbuckle your pants at the end of the night.

And for some other points:

1) I’m already married so your wife doesn’t have to worry about me hitting on her friends
2) Families love me. It’s true. I’m sure yours will as well
3) When I’m too drunk to think I go on auto-pilot so you’ll never know the difference
4) Afterparty? Done.
5) I have a great smile, so I’ll make sure your wedding photos aren’t ruined by someone who’s frowning all the time, cause WTF, really? smile it’s a friggin wedding!

Still processing an awesome enough response to this. If I can’t make you groomsmen, I can at least assign you to pants duty.

Dragon Slaying

Fri, 14 Jan 2011 01:24:09 -0500

Adventurer,

I congratulate you on what will hopefully be a very long and prosperous union! I would like your assistance in slaying the mighty Golden Dragon named ‘Singleness’! Great treasures await if your party wishes to come slay the dragon.

On a serious note, awesome CL posting. This sounds like amazing fun. I don’t know if I can ‘ooze manliness out of my pores’ but on the Nerdiness I do quite well :)

Dragon Meat,
The Dragon known as “Singleness” is indeed a fearsome beast. Have you tried the vorpal sword of online dating? Drinking at a tavern is what did the trick for me, but not every dragon is made for drinking. I don’t even know what that metaphor means.
Anyways, thanks for the response. While I’m not sure I can offer much help with the single department (i’m a nerd too), I am organizing a game day of sorts to bring together everyone who responded, so we can at least all meet up and ponder how weird the situation is. And who knows, maybe one of the folks will bring a hot sister.
Stay Tuned!

David the Dentist

Fri, 14 Jan 2011 01:18:15 -0500

Is this for real?

I live in Seattle and meet all the requirements re: jaw chiseled from a mountain and requisite nerdiness. But it sounds like the post was more of an inside joke to your friends, or something.

Anyway, maybe we can game together at some point.

Sorry for the delay! I got swamped with responses and then I go swamped with work. Since this ended up being one of the most entertaining and awesome experiences in recent memory, I’m partnering with a local game store to bring everyone who responded together. Stay tuned!

College

Fri, 14 Jan 2011 01:15:59 -0500

Dear anonymous groom-to-be,

I truly wish I lived closer to Seattle, as I would be more than happy to be your groomsman – particularly in regard to the whole cufflink thing. I mean, d20 cufflinks would be awesome. Also, with my eight years playing, a D&D session I could roll into like no other.

Sadly, as a college student I don’t have such luxuries like ‘time’ or ‘money’ so I just wrote this email to wish you the best with your wedding and future endeavors.

In which I call someone else sir...

Fri, 14 Jan 2011 01:14:00 -0500

I wish by all that is holy (and unholy) that I lived in Seattle and could do this. Cos, this ad rocks. :-D

Haha thank you sir! I was feeling inspired - i guess love does strange things to a man.
I’ll let everyone know how the party turns out.

You can call me Strider.

Fri, 14 Jan 2011 01:11:20 -0500

Man, if you had the wedding in Texas I would be there for you like a band of bloodthirsty ghosts to a certain misplaced king…

Yes, she is awesome

Fri, 14 Jan 2011 01:10:07 -0500

Saw the link via thinkgeek twitter… your fiancée is awesome for making d20 cuff-links! I now really want to see pictures of the amazing event!

Thanks for the kind words. I’m pulling together a site with all the responses and where I can hopefully organize a Groomsmen Game Day since I got so many responses. It will have pictures but probably not of the bachelor party b/c of the Orc Strippers… they arent’ photogenic really.

In which I get called "sir" again...

Fri, 14 Jan 2011 01:06:22 -0500

Dear Sir,

A few of my friends and myself would like to extend our congratulations on your engagement.
Upon reading your Craigslist post we have decided that we fit your description quite nicely.

We are located in Bothell and Everett. Are of varying ages (unsure if this matters) and are all average looking.

All of the gentlemen, except myself, have been playing D&D for many years. I only started playing last year.

If you have any further questions please let me know. My Android phone will inform me immediately of any e-mail messages I receive.

Regretfully, we are not worthy of being your best man; for none of our names match those of any river in Africa listed on Wikipedia.